Amanda Cade

Some people keep their goofy, silly, ridiculous behavior to themselves. That’s a perfectly valid life strategy…but I am not that person. When I experience what I call a “sitcom moment” (often self-inflicted), my first instinct is to share it. I think it’s important to be able to laugh at myself, and I’m happy to invite others to join me.

So…about getting my presents wrapped.

The Plan

On Wednesday evening, I posted about my plans for my vacation days, and then decided it was time to deal with the fact that my living room was starting to look like an Amazon warehouse.

I should mention that I’m not a huge fan of wrapping presents the traditional way, so I’m a gift bag and tissue paper kind of girl. Quick, easy, and festive.

So I turned on The Man Who Invented Christmas and started opening boxes.

The First Snag

When I had everything unboxed and organized, I paused the movie and went to get my huge collection of Christmas bags out of the guest room closet…

…and they weren’t there. Everything else was there: birthday bags, tissue paper, gift labels, actual wrapping paper, etc. The Christmas bags, however, were nowhere to be found.

After a few minutes staring blankly into my box of supplies in hopes that they would suddenly materialize, I summoned a vague memory of telling myself last year that I needed to hit the after Christmas sales because I had finally run out of bags.

Oops.

The First Solution

Easy enough. I had four rolls of wrapping paper, and I reminded myself that I am a grown woman who is perfectly capable of traditional wrapping, even though it isn’t my preference. So I set up a folding table in front of the couch, assembled my materials, made a cup of tea, and turned the movie back on.

The Second Snag

That’s when I realized I hadn’t gotten the scissors. And that was the point where things really started to veer into sitcom territory.

You know how there’s the one thing that you’re always losing? The thing you can’t seem to remember to put back in its proper place, so you’re constantly trying to remember where you left it?

For me, that thing is my scissors. Almost every single day, I need them for something, and so I have to hunt for them. Sometimes they’re in the living room, sometimes they’re in the kitchen, sometimes they’re in the guest room, or my bedroom, or the basement…you get the idea. I might find them in a drawer, or under a stack of mail, or on top of the DVD player. Every once in a while, they’re actually on my desk in my home office, which is where they should be. That happens so rarely that it’s usually the last place I look. Then I take them into the room where I need them, use them, put them down somewhere, and promptly forget where they are.

Anyway, I paused the movie again and went on the hunt. Typically, it takes me about five minutes to find them. Occasionally ten.

Wednesday night, however, I spent half an hour searching with zero success. That’s when I said to myself, “Amanda, you could have gone to Walgreens and bought another pair of scissors by now.”

The Second Solution

Walgreens always has my back. When I arrived at the store and went to the appropriate aisle, not only did they have quality scissors, but they were on sale. That’s when I had a moment of clarity. Inspiration. Genius. If I have a pair of scissors in every room in the house, I’ll never have to search more than one room.

It’s an example of what one of my friends calls “Perfect Amanda Logic”. (If you’re laughing at me by now, I’m with you.) At any rate, I bought six pairs of scissors. Problem solved.

Back home, I made more tea, turned the movie back on, and got to work. Soon I had about a dozen adequately wrapped presents and was feeling pretty pleased with myself…

The Third Snag

…until I realized that I had forgotten to label them as I went and had no idea what was in most of them. I was certain about three, but the others…

The Third Solution

You probably know where this is going. I unwrapped the rest of the gifts, trying (and mostly failing) not to tear the paper so I could reuse it, and wrote out labels for everything. No worries.

The Fourth Snag

By the time I was finished unwrapping and labeling, I discovered that I had somehow managed to misplace my new “living room” scissors. (I’m starting to think there’s some kind of paranormal force at work here.) So I congratulated myself on my forethought, got the dining room scissors (You see how my brilliant long term solution is already breaking down?), and got back to work.

Then, of course, I ran out of tape.

The Fourth Solution

Back to Walgreens! Ignore the puzzled look from the employee who had already given me a puzzled look when I bought all the scissors! Find tape! Grab tape (get extra)! Head for the counter, through the aisle of…

…Christmas bags. Lots and lots of Christmas bags. That I could have just bought the first time.

Cue a laughing fit in the middle of the store.

The Outcome

The presents are ready, The Man Who Invented Christmas was a great movie, and I have enough bags for next year.

The living room scissors have yet to materialize, but I did find the original lost pair this morning.

Roll credits.

(December 2019 Update: I am down to two pairs of scissors. I have no idea what happened to all the others.)

Join me in the comments to share your own sitcom moments and ridiculous behavior…or just make fun of mine. 🙂