Amanda Cade

Worth It! (Things to try, read, watch, hear, and discuss)

So those of you who have been reading my blog for a while are aware of the fact that I’m a huge superhero fan, and that I love the MCU in particular. I could not possibly express how overwhelmingly excited I am about Endgame. My friend Mike and I made plans to see it ages ago, and when I woke up yesterday morning I thought about the movie before I even thought about coffee. When I called Mike to finalize plans, however, I got some very bad news. The conversation went something like this:

sad phoneMe: Hey, how excited are you? I’m super excited. What time do you want to pick me up? Do you want to have lunch first? Dinner after? Both? Wait-do you want to come over this morning and watch Infinity War before we go?

Mike: Amanda, it’s Saturday.

Me: Right. It’s Endgame day.

Mike: No, that’s tomorrow.

Me: No, it’s today. We’re going today. You bought the tickets forever ago.

Mike: I bought tickets for tomorrow. We’re going tomorrow.

Me: I can’t go tomorrow! I have to go in to work tomorrow!

We immediately hit the internet to see if we could get tickets to a Saturday show, but no luck. They were all either sold out, at times that didn’t work for Mike, or didn’t have two seats anywhere near each other. We did briefly consider that last option, but neither of us thought that would be any fun.

Incidentally, the reason I have to go in to work today is to get ready for a massively important annual event that has been stressing me out for the past week, and will make the upcoming week even more stressful. In addition to all of the other reasons I was excited about the movie, Saturday was supposed to be a day to relax and have fun in between two crazy, very high-pressure weeks.

So at that moment, realizing I wasn’t going to be able to see Endgame until next weekend felt like the end of the world. I actually almost cried.

Then I got a grip. Was I disappointed? Absolutely. Was it going to ruin my day? Well, that was up to me. And I chose no. Too many times in the past I’ve allowed one disappointment to spiral into hours of unhappiness, and this time I was determined to remember that there are some sure-fire ways to make the best of things:

1. Don’t play the blame game.

point.jpegMike and I aren’t sure which one of us made the mistake. It is entirely possible that I told him Saturday, but he got mixed up and ordered tickets for the wrong day. It is also entirely possible that he said, “So I’m getting tickets for Sunday, right?” and I said misheard him and agreed. Regardless, even if we could remember whose fault it was, it really wouldn’t matter. It doesn’t change the situation. When things don’t go our way, it’s really tempting to point a finger and find a target for your frustration, but in the long run that doesn’t really help anything. All that does is add a nice heaping spoonful of resentment to your already overflowing bowl of disappointment, and sour your mood even further.

2. Put it in perspective.

Small StuffThis particular disappointment, in the grand scheme of things, is really not that big of a deal. Sure, I was looking forward to Endgame. And yes, it stinks that I’m not going to be able to see it until Friday. However, I’ll be okay. Even more serious disappointments often don’t have as big of a long-term impact as we feel in the moment. We need to stop and think about how much this really matters, if it’s fixable, if there’s an alternative, if we’ll still consider it a big deal a month from now, etc. That last one helps me a lot, because I can always remember something that felt huge a few weeks back, but now I can see wasn’t all that serious.

3. Think about something positive.

rainbowWhen something doesn’t work out for me, I always take a few minutes to play the “Yes, but..” game. “Yes, I’m disappointed I didn’t get that new position, but I still like the job I have.” “Yes, I’m upset that I have to get a new transmission, but at least it won’t put me in an impossible financial position.” “Yes, I’m bummed about missing this movie, but waiting a week won’t kill me.”

Occasionally you can even find a bright side in the situation itself. Even though I insisted that Mike go to the movie without me, he insisted harder that he was going to wait until we could see it together, reminding me that I have amazing friends. We gave our tickets to two of our other friends, and they were absolutely thrilled. That definitely made me feel better.

4. Don’t dwell on it.

Screenshot 2019-03-03 at 1.21.45 PMThe worst thing I could have done was sit around the house and waste my free day moping about my plans getting ruined. When things go wrong, it’s ok to take a little time to vent and/or process your feelings, but it’s better to distract yourself than to wallow. So Mike and I went to see Captain Marvel again. Then we had sushi. Then I went home and read a book, and spent an hour catching up with my sister. Then I went to bed early so I could get a little extra rest before things get crazy again.

In other words, I still had a really good day.

best life

How do you bounce back from disappointments? Let me know in the comments!

49 thoughts on “Making the Best of a Disappointment

  1. I had two similar situations with Goldfinch Amanda.

    One was when he said he would like to spend a Sunday with me if I had that day free. I said yes. I asked if he was busy Saturday night, and asked if I could stay over. He sent me a text saying his housemate had moved out of the house so it would be appropriate. (Or at least that’s what I thought it said. So I bought a train ticket to go up on Saturday evening and come back to London Sunday evening. I told him what time my train would arrive on Saturday night and he was confused. He thought I was gong to be travelling up on Sunday morning. I said, I thought you said it was appropriate to stay over with you. He asked me to read the text again. I hadn’t seen how long it was. I scrolled down and he had told me why he couldn’t have me over. It was then that I saw that it was not appropriate. His housemate that he got on with well and was happy for me to be Goldfinch’s overnight guest had moved out of the house, and two new tenants had moved in and were very messy and the three of them had been arguing about keeping the bathroom and kitchen clean. He had said in the text it would be better for me to go up early on Sunday morning.

    I didn’t tell Goldfinch but I was skint, waiting for my wages which were late (new job, they had lost the form with my bank details so I had not been paid yet). It was too late to change my ticket, I would have lost all my money and couldn’t afford another one. I wanted to see him so much! I checked my account again and incredibly some money had appeared in it from the company I used to work for (I had not realized they still owed me some money) so I rang Goldfinch and said I would find a hotel. I found a brilliant deal at a gorgeous hotel. It worked out alright, but I felt like such an eeed-yat!

    The other time we both faced a disappointment was when we turned up at a hotel in Bath where Goldfinch had made a booking for us. He had made a booking, but it was for the next night. They couldn’t give us a room that night because they were full. But in the end we ended up in a gorgeous hotel (at a much greater cost) which was very romantic.

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Amanda Cade says:

      I once spent the night sitting in a diner because of a reservation mixup. I’m glad your experiences worked out better than that. ☺

      Liked by 1 person

  2. The Eclectic Contrarian says:

    Battle it out with pugle sticks!

    Seriously though, letting go is huge! And probably the hardest thing to do in the whole process.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Amanda Cade says:

      It really is. I struggle with that sometimes, but it helps to remind myself that letting it go is the fastest way to feel better.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. The Eclectic Contrarian says:

        It really kind of goes back to my perfectionist ways.. wanting everything done perfectly yesterday with no issues… I struggle too.. 😕

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Amanda Cade says:

        We perfectionists do have our unique challenges, don’t we?

        Liked by 1 person

      3. The Eclectic Contrarian says:

        Lol! Yes.. 🤦‍♂️

        Liked by 1 person

  3. I really enjoyed this very useful post
    Thank you so much Amanda.

    When I was younger, I used to fret and ruminate over things that didn’t go well.
    As I grow older, I am learning to regret nothing and to see the silver lining in every cloud on my horizon.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Amanda Cade says:

      Isn’t it amazing how much time we lose fretting and stewing? So much better to accept and move forward.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Yes. That is the best course for one’s own peace of mind.

        Liked by 1 person

  4. Fantastic mindset! I read about this Dad who had been on a work trip, came back and he had a dinner with family planned that night. He decided to dump his family and go see the movie, even though he’s kids were upset. Most people were sympathetic, but there were a few who were like “Oh, he’s probably trying to avoid spoilers” and “Well it’s been out for over a decade, he just wanted to end the circle” Why the Dad couldn’t wait ONE more night, is beyond me. I can’t even tell you about the irony of one of the theme of the movie and why I hope this “man” was hit right in the heart.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Amanda Cade says:

      Wow, that’s crazy! As a kid I would have been devastated in that situation. I’m a pretty obsessive fan, but there are definitely more important things.

      Liked by 1 person

  5. When you fall off of a horse, we’re told to get right back on it. Ditto a bike with training wheels off for the first time. Fall, get back up and ride some more. Same with disappointment. If it happens, like you suggested, don’t dwell on it ruining the whole day. Take action. In this case, forgive and forget but make plans to get it right next time. So, what happens next ? (sorry about the giving advice thing. My bad)

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Amanda Cade says:

      I think blogs are one of the best places for advice, because readers have a choice to read it not, and follow the advice or not, without conversational pressure.

      Like

  6. Shell Vera says:

    Love this attitude and how you handled it! I journal my way through disappointment. How am I feeling? How can I make it better? What am I thankful for? What can I do now with the reality in front of me? What are some good things that can come from it?

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Amanda Cade says:

      Journals are such a great way to work through difficult times.

      Liked by 1 person

  7. I find that the best way to handle disappointment is to blame whoever is the sitting president and then go on Twitter shouting obscenities through my keyboard.

    Not really, but that does sound like a lot of fun 😀

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Amanda Cade says:

      It’s certainly a popular activity. Lol

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Then there must be something to it!

        Liked by 1 person

  8. I’m not seeing it for 3 weeks or so. So you’ll still get there way before me 😂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Amanda Cade says:

      I have to admit that I’m not sure I could stay positive if I had to three weeks. Lol

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I’m not a massive film/tv watcher. Still 2 seasons behind Game of Thrones 😂

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Amanda Cade says:

        I only watched it for two seasons and then decided I didn’t want to continue.

        Liked by 1 person

  9. Michelle says:

    Great points! I used to hold on to so many things and then I realized it was only hurting me, not the other person! 😀

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Amanda Cade says:

      One of many lessons I wish I’d learned much earlier than I did.

      Liked by 1 person

  10. This is such a great post. Thank you for showing us how to make the best of things 😌

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Amanda Cade says:

      So much depends on how we handle the things life throws at us.

      Liked by 1 person

  11. Mommy Me says:

    That’s a great post and your attitude! I used to feel bad, regret and be hard on myself when things didn’t go the way I wanted but now I guess I have started realizing everything happens for a reason and not everything goes perfectly as planned. It is also fun sometimes to do something spontaneously when things don’t happen the way we desire.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Mommy Me says:

      *That’s a great post and love your attitude!!**

      Liked by 1 person

  12. The Happy Book Blog. says:

    What helps me bounce back is tucking into a big phat piece of chocolate cake, lol. 😂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Amanda Cade says:

      I hear you. Lol 🍩

      Liked by 1 person

  13. Great post, Amanda! I’m excited to see Endgame too! Can’t wait to read your movie review. Blessings, my friend✨

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Amanda Cade says:

      The review will be up next week. 😀

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Thanks, looking forward to reading it! 😀

        Liked by 1 person

  14. masercot says:

    It’s just a movie… albeit a MOVIE THAT WILL CHANGE YOUR LIFE!!!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Amanda Cade says:

      Then in four days my life will be changed. Lol.

      Liked by 1 person

  15. Jyo says:

    Such an AH-MAZING post…. Kudos👍

    Liked by 1 person

  16. ckennedyhola says:

    I like the yes, but game–great advice!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Amanda Cade says:

      I definitely needed it today. Lol

      Liked by 1 person

  17. What a great attitude!

    Liked by 1 person

  18. Great post! Well done for turning things around. Now you’ve even longer to look forward to watching it, right? My biggest disappointment recently was leaving my laptop (with all my blog ideas and everything) in another country until the next visit to relatives… The pain was physical! But after the initial horror I realised I’d just have to get creative until I got it back.
    Hope your event went well. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Amanda Cade says:

      It did go well, thankfully. I’m exhausted and my feet are killing me, but I’m happy with the success. And since this is usually the most difficult week of my year, seeing Endgame on Friday now feels like the perfect way to celebrate. ☺

      Liked by 2 people

      1. Yey 😀😀😀

        Liked by 1 person

  19. So very well laid out and said!

    Like

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